| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 |
| 12:19 am |
hi. if you could all do me a favor and FUCKING DIE id really appreciate it. im done here. |
| Tuesday, November 15th, 2005 |
| 4:20 am |
my sister is 13 today. weird. shes still stuck around 8 in my head. if only i could get to sleep now to enjoy dinner and movie excitement later. my regional manager is coming in on thursday or friday.. im pretty much tweaking the fuck out. come in and clean my store on wednesday :) you wont. |
| Sunday, November 13th, 2005 |
| 8:09 pm |
its been merely a week or two since the death of my camera, and i can already feel myself dieing inside without it. someone give me $400. i promise to never leave my camera in my purse and my purse on the floor again while drunk boys are running around....one of them occasionally hitting people with his penis. *shudders* why is my life ridiculous? haha ♥ i got a coat i like today. now i need to return the one i dont, and maybe put that money in an i-desperately-need-a-new-camera fund? my car insurance is due tomorrow. do i drop $400 on that, or buy the camera and maybe get arrested down the road? who really ever uses car insurance anyway? pshh. :) ps solomon is incredible. |
| Thursday, November 3rd, 2005 |
| 3:34 am |
it used to be so easy to list off the people that cared. now i cant think of one person that would be completely mortified if i left. what the fuck am i still doing here? and why cant i stop fucking crying? |
| Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 |
| 11:10 pm |
perhaps its too harsh to say in your being homeless you got what you deserve. however, karmas a bitch, what goes around comes around, etc etc.. if you didnt go around being a fucking asshole, such horrid things probably wouldnt happen to you as often. and to your newest slut: if you honest to god have no idea why i hope you end up in the hospital, youre a fucking idiot. today was a wonderful day :) i almost finished redoing my dept 1 wall, kirsten and i made a christmas tower, i had the best mashed potatoes ive had in a looong time, korey and i have a jug of wine, and i have tomorrow off. im going to pretend the thirty seconds of tears in cvs didnt happen. sometimes the 'you deserve better' line is hard to believe.. but this time its ridiculously obvious. |
| Friday, October 28th, 2005 |
| 8:32 pm |
as of november 8th, solomon pond claires is mine. FUCK YOU, WATERTOWN!!!two promotions in less than six months.. god, im incredible :) im going to celebrate. |
| Monday, October 24th, 2005 |
| 2:56 am |
he needed a smoke after his forty seconds of glory in the haze between tuesday night and wednesday morning. by wednesday night, he was gone. of course by friday he was calling with stories of depression and needing to be alone, but can you stop by with my cds and some cigarettes?needless to say, he was not alone that night.. and i found out. i thanked him for his time, and now im moving on. but just so you all know, im psychotic: dont talk to me! and, i used him. at least im not ugly *shrugs* i am completely confident in the fact that the demise of this was in no way my fault. some boys are incredible actors who only stick around until they get what they want, and then move onto the next victim. i didnt think he would be that way, considering he had been a friend of mine for so long.. and is so close with my entire house, and several of our other friends. however, he buttered me up.. went nice and slow.. made himself at home.. used me for all i was fucking worth.. and then avoided me with everything he had. all while denying the entire thing. its not like thatits all fairly amusing.. or hes just a dick. i supposed it depends how you look at it. |
| Sunday, October 23rd, 2005 |
| 10:21 pm |
FUCKEDand CHUCKEDwoo! Current Mood: used |
| Friday, October 21st, 2005 |
| 3:12 am |
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| Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 |
| 8:21 am |
chrissy is no longer the only one.for those of you who understand that statement, be excited. there are bruises over my entire body from his teeth. tonight will be my first night without him since thursday, and im not looking forward to it. tonight is also the suicide girls show at the middle east, and i am very much so looking forward to that. i need to go back to bed. ♥ |
| Friday, October 7th, 2005 |
| 12:56 am |
im even more obsessed with my camera lately than i usually am... its pretty ridiculous. ( only three today.. )i had a really fucked up dream that me boodge and meghan (medford meg) when to lauren (lbv)s house to get directions to some place. when we first got there she did this weird disappearing trick with this crazy cape deal and i asked her to teach me how to do it but it was way too complicated. so she started looking through all these boxes and what not for the directions and was apologizing to me that tom wasnt around. i remember feeling kind of weird about it, but got along with her fairly well. like we used to when i was still with tom and her and i were supposedly friends. i dont remember a lot of the details of it, just that she had a TON of wiccan stuff around the room and by the time we left her and i were laughing about something retarded and i ended up giving her a hug goodbye. (and leaving without the directions, ps) so we get to my car and my back window is wide open and so is my trunk and EVERYTHING inside my trunk is gone.. and i just start freaking out about how someone broke into my car again and what not.. but then i notice the radio boodge just put in is still there so im like 'oh well' .... and thats it. yeah. hell last night was fun. hannah and my new friend ak came and hannah got hit on by more creepy guys than ive ever been hit on all the times ive gone combined.. poor thing. :( rob said next time theyd fuck a brotha up!! (HA! i just remembered another part of my dream! this guy lee kept trying to hit on hannah and korey last night and in part of my dream these huge bouncers broke his shoulders and threw him out the front door.. hahaha) im not going tomorrow.. i do believe a bunch of us are going to see waiting.. im not sure what time, but call me at some point if youre interested in joining us. saturday is fall out boy. with motion city soundtrack, starting line, boys night out and panic! at the disco... you are SO fucking jealous. and then SUNDAY im going to get pumpkins with boodge and kristie, and picking up kendall to carve them! i cant wait to cook the seeds!!! =D im also terribly excited for the slumber party planned for that evening. im sure there will be MANY photographs hahaha ♥ ♥ ♥ im so happy lately its disgusting. :) i dont want to go back to work full time. this week has been amazing. |
| Monday, October 3rd, 2005 |
| 4:41 am |
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| Sunday, October 2nd, 2005 |
| 10:13 am |
my car is clean. do to ( this ) fag. sweet. |
| Monday, September 26th, 2005 |
| 6:02 am |
what is love? why do we love? are the twins in love or is this a karmic connection from a past life? these are questions a gemini will pick through, ponder, and put off when the next, more interesting person comes along. gadly geminis cant shut off their minds and let their hearts take over. affairs of the heart just arent that important to fickle gemini. their overworked minds confuse monogamy with boredom (their biggest fear.) they need freedom. to win their hearts, you must constantly entertain them, seduced them with your wit, and allow them to be what they are - confusing. ------- charmers and flirts, the twins are always surrounded by people. its not easy to break through the crowd and get close to them. to tell the truth, they have few real friends. shallow gemini backs off when it gets too deep. geminis need stimulating friends who share their weird interests. its tough to keep up with them. they attract spirited people who understand theyre constant late for appointments (they have so much to do) and join them on a spur-of-the-moment trips to egypt to study hieroglyphics. |
| Sunday, September 18th, 2005 |
| 11:47 pm |
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| Friday, September 16th, 2005 |
| 9:59 pm |
doug is gay
list seven of your favorite songs at the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process.brand new - sic transit gloria glory fades hidden in plain view - twenty below fall out boy - dance, dance matchbook romance - promise motion city soundtrack - perfect teeth something corporate - ruthless this providence - well versed in the ways of the world (im basically stuck in the past right now..) :: deirdre kirsten erika meghan jess rachel neil lets see what the ♥girls♥ are listening to |
| Thursday, September 15th, 2005 |
| 11:42 pm |
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| 4:03 am |
put on my pjs and hop into bed.. im half alive, but i feel mostly dead. i try and tell myself itll all be all right, i just shouldnt think anymore tonight. dreams last for so long even after youre gone and i know that you love meand soon you will see you were meant for me, and i was meant for you. |
| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 |
| 12:24 am |
i just had the most terrifying dream of my life. i remember two things from it.. one was jeff lynch, dave fillebrown, and two other boys in a car let me cross in front of them because it was me. and the other was me being in my shower, my entire body covered in blood and half my head completely burnt and the same areas of my hair gone because this guy had tried to kill me. (he killed a bunch of people before me.. one girl ended up ripping all her own hair out listening to him kill people from the other room and ended up shooting herself in the mouth.) anyway.. somehow i got away and here i am in my shower trying to wash all the blood off but its staining my tub and walls and just proceeding to tweak me out even more. and by the end of the dream im flipping on my mother about it all. *shudders* but yeah.. moving on. today i got a new busy book. so its back to bank logs, to do lists, doodles, notes, and an in general balance. i caught up on what paperwork i could at my store, and made a few phone calls to try to fix my scheduling issues to make my future in watertown less stressful. (i NEED someone 18+ that can open, whos totally down with only one day a week. hours will increase come november or loss.) i need to bleach my hair, clean and paint my room, give away most of my clothes (and toys... :() and try to get some order over all my crap. it would probably be a good idea to cut down on energy drinks and pills and learn to function on my own again. last year i went an entire week without caffiene. sadly with the selection of beverages in my mall, and my dreadfully low will power, i dont see that happening again any time soon. at the very least, no more pills. the weather is finally starting to permit me to wear my ultimate favorite kind of outfits. i dont think i have ever been so excited for knee highs and zip up hoodies in my entire life. my car is healthy again. now all it needs is a radio. im getting back into old habits that used to make me smile. im determined to meet new people.. or at least spend more time with awesome ones i dont see nearly enough. im going to take pictures sober, and still love them. i WILL shoot my princess set by the end of this month. im going to see a guy about my new tattoo on thursday. ........ the point is: hi, my name is rocket. i live here. and im going to be ok. im ALWAYS ok. i am way to cute not to be. :) |
| Friday, September 2nd, 2005 |
| 4:01 am |
ive managed to make myself vunerable again. ive made it easy for just about anyone to break me. and honestly, i fucking beg for it. this is so three years ago, its pathetic. i thought you fucking grew out of this::EDIT:: 630ish.. .deep breaths. right?? right. today i was told i needed to see a therapist. for some reason it kind of hurt to hear it from someone other than myself. its not as easy to write off as me just over exaggerating anymore.. and i really dont know how to feel about that. |
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sparkler584's journal
